I could feel her staring at me intently, ignoring my patient notes which she held in her hands. Dr Woods voice droned on in the background, something about ‘another attempt’ and ‘extending the section for another 24 hours’ I wasn’t listening properly my mind was still clouded from the sedatives I presumed they had given me late last night or early this morning, my remaining focus was very much captured by the nurse who stood at the end of my bed, I was sure I hadn’t seen her before. Her eyes framed with thick eyeliner seemed to flick from my eyes to my chest then quickly to the restraints which pinned my wrists and ankles to the bed, I smirked she was obviously new to this. ‘Ok Miss Naylor?’ the doctor said leaning over me, interrupting my view of the newbie, ‘hmm?’ I questioned unaware that he had actually asked me anything. Dr Woods sighed before repeating that I would remain an inpatient for at least another 24 hours, ‘ what the fuck are you telling me that for, it’s not like I can go anywhere it’s not like I have a choice!’ I exploded tugging against the restraints before breaking down into hysterical floods of tears, ‘fuck off, none of you care why won’t you just let me fucking kill myself?!’ I screamed. Within moments I felt the sharp scratch followed instantly by the cold flow of a large amount of fluid into my thigh which tensed instinctively as pained spiked through me, the last thing I remember is struggling against the staff holding my leg where they injected and the tightness of the cuffs around my wrists then it all went black.
‘Sia I’m’ it went black again ‘Miss Naylor, it’s ok I just need’ out again. Words blurred around in my mind, I could feel a throbbing headache as an intense brightness seemed to force its way under my eyelids. ‘I’m going to be sick’ I mumbled forcing my eyes open. A hand cupped the back of my head turning it so I could feel the cardboard bowl against the side of my mouth just in time as I began to retch. I could feel my head flopping back against the pillow as I felt myself slipping out of consciousness again.
I don’t know how much time passed between then and when I regained consciousness properly but when I did the nurse from earlier was sat to the side of me flicking through what I recognised to be my file. My life according to mental health professionals, the file that seemed to follow me around like a rain cloud depicting every event they deemed significant throughout my 20 years, from being abandoned at a day old up until my latest attempt to take my own life yesterday. ‘Don’t believe everything you read in there darlin’ I said huskily my throat dry and hoarse, I smiled at her as she jumped startled dropping my file to the floor with a clatter which echoed around the empty sterile looking room. ‘Could I have some water?’ I asked as she hurried to pick up the loose papers which had fallen from the file. She held a straw to my lips allowing me to take a drink before telling me she needed to go and find the staff nurse now I had woken up and that she would take my vital observations. I smiled back at her a little confused, ‘why can’t you do them?’ I asked her watching her as she walked over to the door. ‘Erm I’m not sure how to, I’m a student nurse’ she explained looking slightly embarrassed, great I thought ‘new meat’, I could have a bit of fun with her, but then again first I need to get her to trust me otherwise I wouldn’t get anywhere with it I thought to myself, I knew the game. ‘Well I could probably help you out there, you pick up a thing or two when you’ve spent this much time in the loony bin!’ she still looked unsure as she stood near the door eyeing me warily. ‘Look’ I said persuasively ‘I’m chained up to this frigging bed so there is no chance of me doing anything to you, and you’ve read my notes I’m a risk to myself not others. Now if you do this then it will impress your mentor and it will stop me from shouting because I don’t want that doctor anywhere near me, even if I wasn’t suicidal he would be enough to drive me over the edge.’ I could see a little smile curl up at the edge of her lips at the last comment; clearly she felt the same about his monotonous voice. ‘Ok’ she agreed wheeling over the observations trolley. After much dropping of stethoscopes and apologising on her behalf and descriptions from me such as ‘that blue thing’ which left much explaining to be desired, she finally managed to take my blood pressure and my pulse. As she removed the blood pressure cuff from my arm I contemplated my next move, how was I going to get her to remove these bloody restraints?!
© Copyright 2021 DiamondGypsy. All rights reserved.
Book / Gay and Lesbian
Poem / Gay and Lesbian
Book / Other