Prologue – Five Years Ago
I saw it in her sad brown eyes the moment I spotted her waiting for me at the airport. It was over. Sweeping Angel up in my arms, she wrapped her long legs around me and kissed me like her life depended on it. I could taste it. The day had come. Our final goodbye.
Angel was too quiet. This girl literally would be talking my ear off! She would try to fill the space in time we had with all she could remember of what she had not spoken with me about while I was gone. I didn’t mind. I loved hearing her talk. Really.
I loved everything about this girl. The fact that I did amazed even me every day bearing in mind how it all began. My angel and I were not together very long, but the most natural occurrence in my life was getting to know her. We… fit like a puzzle, so well suited for each other as if someone molded us that way. Each groove interlocking together in perfect symmetry.
Everything was so easy with her. Angel calmed me after a long stressful day. She made me laugh, at myself, at her picking on herself, or some observation made during the day and shared with me. The way she looked at things was so fun, different from anyone I’d known before.
She’s beautiful. I didn’t mean in the physical sense. I mean she was in the entirety of her being. Sure, Angel had legs that were exceptional. And her nipples? Don’t even get me started there! Those ripe little berries drove me insane with how appealing they were. Oh, how I loved to suck them, nibble them. Damn!
Her face? No, this girl was not a beauty queen like my ex Jessa. Some would say Angel was rather plain in the face. Average. So was I next to my older brother Steve although he would beg to differ. I believed that I was just a bit better at my charm than most, and the ladies always responded well to that.
Ahhh, but then Angel would smile. I remembered the first time I saw it. We rode the elevator together one day when she first moved into the apartment complex. I swear she stole my breath in the little cut-off jean shorts she wore that day. Her pretty roommate, a busty redhead helped her move into the apartment across the hall from mine. They giggled and whispered behind me. I sensed that they spoke about me, and it gave me such a rush to be ogled by the cute girls. A fantasy of mine had been to fuck two college girls at the same time, but the opportunity never arose.
I held the elevator door for both of them when our floor came, and they continued to smile with giggles at me. Very adorable. It was Angel’s smile though that tugged at my heart. Every time I saw her after that, it was the same. When we ran into each other in the laundry mat in the building or after or before my morning run she left for school or work that smile of hers melted something in me.
What was it? Everything Angel was could be seen in that gorgeous smile. Her soul shined in it filling those pretty brown eyes of hers. So soft and warm. Such a caring woman her smile foretold.
It was true. I felt it in her touch the first time and every time we were together. How deeply she felt everything! Unlike every other woman I’d met, no pretense existed about Angel. You knew what she felt. It showed all over her face. I think it frustrated me most about her. It also helped me fall so deep so fast for her.
Life in New York City, as you could guess, was fast-paced. I missed the relaxed vibe of Seapoint, Oregon. I felt much less stressed here, and it’s location made visiting my family in the upper northwest a breeze. With my dad gone, I wanted to help more with Mom since she wasn’t doing so well with his sudden passing a few months back. However, the promotion and my apartment in Manhattan were perfect. The only thing missing was Angel at my side.
I missed Angel so much every day we were apart in sharing the little things. Oh, and the sex, damn! The sex I definitely missed because she put everything into it and surrendered so readily to her passion. I could not help but reciprocate. I would not dare hold back. How could I? The more I had her, the more I wanted.
Believe me, I desired so badly to ask Angel to reconsider relocating to New York with me. The selfish man in me reasoned that she could find another job and could transfer to another school in New York. I totally understood that would be more of a cost for her. She would be leaving her friends. The trade-off would be that she was closer to her family in Buffalo. Nonetheless, her current employer paid for her graduate schooling for a commitment from her to work for them for a year after attaining her degree. They also hired her at a modest salary with her current qualifications. How could she possibly turn that down? Exactly… Angel wouldn’t.
I swallowed down my selfishness. I smiled and encouraged her toward the decision that made perfect sense. Working for Flagstaff was an opportunity that she shouldn’t pass up. Her dream job (that’s what she shared with me), and she deserved to realize her dreams of helping people as a psychologist. So giving she was in that way with a real heart for it. For the sake of what was best for Angel, I never did suggest her leaving Seapoint. I couldn’t. I loved her too much to allow her to make that kind of sacrifice for me.
During the week I spent in New York my angel and I spoke and even texted. The phone sex and sexting was as hot if not more so in the three months since I left Seapoint because of that bitch ex of mine trapping me by her pregnancy. Jessa just couldn’t leave it at that. Oh, no. She felt the need to fuck up my life because of her manipulative ways. Should have just followed my gut and broke up with her a lot sooner than I did. That’s on me. I definitely shouldn’t have fucked her that last time feeling sorry for her ass. I should have just let her bawl and kicked her ass out of my apartment.
Woulda, shoulda, coulda didn’t mean shit now. Fact remained Jessa was pregnant with my son. Further, she took a job in a fashion house in New York. If I wanted to be a part of his life, I needed to be there. Bitch. Like she couldn’t get a damn job in Seapoint. Not that she needed to work. She had a trust fund from her dad’s death and only modeled when she wanted to. The rest of her spoiled little rich girl life Jessa partied like no tomorrow. Well, now that she was pregnant her party days were numbered, which made me smirk.
No. Jessa’s actions were all about control. Why else make sure that Mommy set me up in a prime apartment in New York and see that I was transferred to the New York office of Mead Nash with an increase in my salary? Yeah, my big boss and owner of the company I worked for also happened to be Jessa’s mother. It shocked me Mrs. Nash was totally on-board for this power play that had me by the fucking balls. I never forgot it either.
Jessa wanted to get me away from Angel any way she could. Plain and simple. She held out the hope that I would take her back just because she was pregnant. Angel blocked that from happening so she got me moving to New York for the baby. So, Jessa manipulated me to leave her by making me choose between the woman I loved and my son. The fucking bitch!
With this last straw, Jessa only ensured I’d never touch her again. The very sight of her made me want to strangle her ass. I hated her for this and would for the rest of my life. Yeah, that’s mighty strong and I’ve never hated anyone to the core of me, but it’s how I feel, damnit.
That bitch just didn’t get it. I would never want Jessa the way I wanted Angel. Never. Jessa never held my heart. Not once in all the time I’ve known her or the four years we dated off and on. Jessa was good for a party or a lay when she put out, but not always. Frigid bitch. Too manipulative. Too jealous and suspicious of my activities because of my past of sleeping around with lots of women.
So what? I was single. I loved women, and loved to fuck even more. Despite that track record, I never cheated on that bitch while we dated. Now that same standard never held to her when I knew she fucked with other models while away on photoshoots, partied and got wasted. Could never prove it, but heard the rumors. Did it hurt me? Not a bit. Good for her playing the slutty rich girl. It was a role she played well.
Somehow, Jessa managed to weasel her way back in my good graces though, and the sex with her was plenty hot until I forgave her. Then believing she had me on the hook again, she started rationing her ass to me like there was a fucking famine.
Who filled my dreams at night? Who did I long for? Who did I love? Guileless. Honest. Angela Fox. Fast asleep, I watched her. Dark waves of her hair spilled all over the pillow. I smiled with my deep sigh because I lived for the moment of being here with her like this. God, I never got tired of looking at her as she lay before me with a sheet barely covering the curve of her cute ass.
Even now, I could see the glisten of tears running from her closed eyes wetting her pillow. I knew Angel wanted to tell me that she desired more than this. She sought for everything to be okay as it was, but it wouldn’t be. It could never be enough.
I needed Angel to understand that no matter where she was and what she did she was always on my mind. Time nor distance changed any of that for me. Angel was always in my heart since I carried her around with me everywhere I went.
I hated to see her cry. It hurt to know that I caused her pain. It wasn’t what I wanted. I didn't know what else to do to ease her sadness.
It grew, that pain like a leech, stretching to consume more of her heart each time I went and came again. Angel wanted to break-up with me. I felt it in the way she made love to me tonight. This long distance relationship was the only way that I could be with her. I wanted to make this work. I needed her but also needed to be in my son’s life shaping it like my dad did for me. I would do whatever it took. I didn’t want to lose her or my son.
I had no other choice. This was my life now. No matter what I had to live with the consequences of my actions. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, should have had to suffer because of my poor choices. That bitch Jessa was responsible for this situation, but I wasn’t blameless in the direction it took.
I wanted to see Angel happy again even if it broke my heart not to see her again. At least me breaking her heart every time I left her would cease. I couldn’t stand to do this to her anymore no matter how much I wanted it to be different. I hoped someday she might forgive me for being so selfish in stringing this out for so long, but I just could not give her up.
Being home again. That’s what it felt like for me holding Angel in arms. How can I ever give that up? Angel meant more to me than I could ever express. I loved her. Even that seemed so inadequate. She has brought to my life the kind of happiness that I thought I would never know.
And… the way she gave herself to me? I had no words to describe the feeling that our every action, our every act of making love felt packed with emotion. Angel held nothing back. She loved me with everything that she had. Her heart was in everything she did. Immersive, addictive… I couldn’t get enough of her. Angel was like a drug that I couldn’t wean myself from.
So, I stood looking over this woman that meant so much to me. I craved to hold Angel in my arms and tell her it would be okay. I craved to be the man that she could depend on to be there with her all the time. This was our rough patch I could almost hear my dad advise. God, I wished he was here now so I could glean his wisdom. He would know the right thing to do here.
Maybe I could view this not as an end? Maybe only a separation? A true test to know if we were meant to be together was what we needed to endure right now. Should the fates allow it so, if they ever showed an ounce of mercy, they would somehow bring me back to my angel. I prayed for this because there could be no other hope in me.
Slipping back into bed, I pulled her close. Letting her pleasing honeysuckle scent entice my senses, I breathed her in. Angel soothed me. She did from the moment we met with this kind of intimacy.
Angel sighed my name, “Roland…”
“Shhh, Angel.” I kissed her tears away and felt my heart bleed in protest. My mind was made.
Her heart and her body always would be mine. Yes, like this… When I slipped inside her inviting heat so slow, her eyes opened to me. My need for her overflowed matching hers revealed to me. With my body, I promised no matter what happened from this moment forward that I would be hers, too. My kiss and my touch echoed the same. Heart and body. That was the way it would be always.
© Copyright 2022 Amy F. Turner. All rights reserved.
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