I avoided Heathers after that night and I no longer answered Matts calls. I seriously considered moving back to Kansas. I was done with his head games. I was tired of being a yo-yo toy. I may not come to terms with Jareds death but I could push him out of my mind. I could move on. I would move on and I could do it without Matts help. Why did I even think I needed his help in the first place?
At work I got into character, forcing myself to act as if I was single. I am single. It's too hard to say that. I forced myself to be the happiest widow on the planet, fake it till you make it, right? It didn't take long, a little flirting with Shawn and he asked me out again. Only if I promised no crazy friends to interrupt.
Our dinner was a steak house this time. A good one with excellent food. We were talking and having a great time and the only thing that could ruin it happened to walk through the door. Damn him! He was with three other men. All dressed in scrubs. He didn't see me at first and I did my best to avoid eye contact. I was uneasy the whole time, scared he would interrupt my date again. Not this time. I stiffened my back and focused on Shawn. I drank my wine and was a little triumphant when we walked by his table with Shawns hand on the small of my back. I hoped he saw. I hoped he paid attention. This is a real date and I was enjoying myself.
The rest of the night was just as sweet. We made it to the park for an outdoor movie. Shawn had a blanket for us. He sat behind me and let me lean against him as he leaned against a rock. Through out the movie our positions shifted and I grew more relaxed, leaning my head against his chest and shoulder. His lips left kisses against my neck as I rubbed my hands across his thighs on either side of me. As I wiggled more of myself against him he leaned down and nibbled my neck, whispering in my ear. "You are making it difficult to watch this movie."
I giggled. "Sorry." I rubbed my hands even further up his thighs. I looked around at the other movie goers and relized no one was really paying attention to the movie.
"Can I take you home with me?" His warm breath washed through me as he nibbled on my ear. I leaned my head to the side and gave him a kiss on the lips, he held my face as he deepened the kiss, finding a wanting groan. He let go of my face as I twisted my body to face more of him, running my fingers along his neck line and into his hair. His hand slid down my side and circling my waist to pull me further into his groin. We spent the rest of the movie just like everyone else, engrossed in ourselves, breathless kissing and inappropriate PDA. When the movie ended and the park lights lightly glowed, we straightened ourselves and headed for his car.
He smiled and held my hand as we walked to his car, kissing me along the way. We both had an energy flowing through us that seemed to need attention. He chuckled as he pulled apart from me during our walk after being stalled by another kiss. "I need to get you to my apartment before we don't make it there."
I giggled. "Okay." It was all I could say.
At his apartment my apprehension rose a little but I squashed it. I wasn't quitting. He pulled me close and kissed me, trailed his lips down my neck. Pulled me tight to him. I closed my eyes and tried to sink into the feeling. I wanted to be held again. Shawn's hand found the zipper on the side of my dress, he pulled it down slowly as if seeking permission or daring me to stop him. I wasn't really sure. The zipper was half way down when his hand came back up and slid between the fabric. I sucked in air as his fingers touched skin.
I tingled with anticipation as his finger roamed around a breast, lightly scraping it with the back of his knuckles before sliding the pad of his thumb over a nipple causing it to pucker and a shock wave of heat to travel to the very core of my being and a pool of warmth stirring between the lips of my vagina. I am certain I purred. He smiled kissing me and removing the rest of my clothing. His mouth found my breast as he guided me to his bedroom. Once in his room I ran my hands down his chest to the bottom of his shirt and tugged on it pulling it up to slip past his head. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down crawling on the bed, he continued his kissing from earlier, trailing his lips over my skin as I did my best to touch him everywhere. He was a fit guy, enough muscle to make him attractive and a slim waist. He was great, teasing just enough to bring me to the edge of sanity before he took me to space. His hands touched all the right places, his lips caressed just right.
The best part was having him hold me when we were done. I wasn’t alone as I laid beside him. I missed Jared and even missed Matt a little but I was warm and comfortable and not alone. It was nice to have Shawn’s arms around me as I slept.
My relationship with Shawn lasted more than that single night. He was helpful in forgetting Jared and Matt. We went out after work and sex always ended our nights together. We saw each other in passing through out the day and I was enjoying this new relationship.
When he questioned my empty wall I told him I hadn't found anything to hang up yet. We didn't discuss Jared. We didn't discuss my past or talk much about our families. It wasn't a relationship for the long term it was just us enjoying each other's company. We talked about work or watched shows together but more than anything we just had sex together.
After six weeks of spending all my free time with Shawn Heather approached me one day at work. “It's been too long since you've been over. The girls are asking about you.”
Other than being with Shawn, I avoided Heathers so I wouldn't see you know who. I hadn't seen Matt in two months. He had stopped calling. I talked to Heather at work but I didn't ask about Matt or go to her house for fear of running into him.
Having a new guy in my life and certainly enough time for Matt to realize I was no longer interested, I was confident that I could stand a minute in his presence. I had Shawn to help me get past him. Plus there was always a good chance that Matt wouldn't even be there. I was right. Maddie and Abbie kept my focus as they requested things for us to do together. We painted nails and fixed hair and put on a movie.
At one point I stated. "It's too bad Lizzie isn't here with us.”
The girls agreed. They were quick to tell me why. “Ms. Linda is at their house.”
“Oh." I stated. I wanted to ask questions but these girls were good about repeating every word so I refrained. I let them continue on their own as I wondered about this woman he was seeing and had seen before.
“Poor Lizzie has to hang out with grown ups when she could be here having fun with us.” I teased.
The girls giggled but assured me Lizzie would have fun at the amusement park they had gone too. They both chimed in. “I wish we could go.”
“They always do cool stuff when Ms. Linda comes to visit. She's so much fun.”
My thoughts floated back to Matt. I wondered again about Linda, who was she? Did they have a thing together? Was that why he really didn't want to be with me? I couldn't forget the few times he kissed me. I wanted to kiss him again. I missed him as we sat here and talked. As much as I had hoped I wouldn't run into him while I was here I was now sitting here wishing he would show up. I wanted to see him again. Maybe enough time had passed and he would see that I've managed to move on just fine.
Shawn and I didn't claim to be exclusive with each other but I suspected he didn't date anyone else, neither did I. Heather and I talked like Shawn and I were a thing. She asked if he and I would want to come over one evening for some grown up time.
I told her I wasn't sure and would get back with her. The truth was I didn't want to be Shawn’s girlfriend. I wanted to be Matt's. I frowned at the thought. Why did I want to be with someone who didn't think I was sane enough to be with?
Shawn and I went to Heather's, her husband was in and the girls were playing upstairs. Shawn and Travis got along great and I was pleased that my boyfriend was getting along so well with my friends. I was doing great till Matt showed up to pick up Lizzie. He walked into the living room spotting me immediately, he smiled at me. I noticed the change in his face as soon as he saw Shawn sitting next to me with an arm around my back.
Matt knew Shawn, not just from the night at the bar when he drug me home but from work as well when Matt had been to the office to see Heather. Matt greeted Shawn pleasantly but it was appararent he wasn’t happy. He didn’t stay long before he took Lizzie home.
On the drive to my house Shawn was quiet, lost in thought and I wasn’t interested in interrupting his thoughts, I was fixed on my own. I wondered why Matt was so upset. He couldn’t be upset that I was with Shawn, I wasn’t drunk, I knew what I was doing. He didn’t know what I needed, Shawn did. Maybe he wasn't even upset with me, I was probably just reading into it. Why would he care what I do anyway? He probably had his own problems. Part of me wanted to call and make sure everything was okay with Matt. He had offered, at one time, to be there for me, shouldn't I offer the same? No, I am just looking for a reason to be near him and he doesn't want to be near me. He thinks I can't handle the death of my husband. He made that apparant on more than one occasion.
I was lost in my own thoughts that I startled when Shawn asked. “Did you have something with Dr. Sikes?”
I looked at him confused. “No, not really. Why do you ask?”
"What do you mean...not really?" He looked at me equally confused.
I took a deep breath. "I don't know, we went on a couple dates but never really started dating."
"Did you have sex with him?" He bit out.
"What?" Why would it matter if I did? Was Shawn jealous of Matt? "NO! And if I did. It wouldn't be any of your business." I crossed my arms and looked forward.
Shawn didn't say anything more till we reached my house. I started to get out and leave him in the car but he stopped me. "Beth." He put a hand on my arm and waited for me to look at him. "I'm sorry. I was just curious, I know Matt and he isn't a relationship kind of guy so I just thought it was weird that the room got so tense when he showed up." He put a hand on my cheek. "Don't be mad at me, please. I don't want the rest of our evening ruined because I was jealous."
I looked at his face as he mouth played at a fake frown trying to sway me with humor. It worked as I smiled back and kissed him. "Okay." We did enjoy the rest of the evening but I couldn't shake the feeling that Matt could be mad at me. Maybe he's mad because I quit returning his calls. Why would he be mad about that? He can just move on, he can find someone else who doesn't struggle on a daily basis to keep her dead husband out of her head.
© Copyright 2021 Trixie. All rights reserved.
Short Story / Romance
Book / Romance
Book / Romance